The Alaska Peninsula
by Gary Olsen
The following observations were made while bowhunting in that great and wondrous region known as the Alaska Peninsula.
The Alaska Peninsula, where:
- the rain falls horizontally.
- you can travel only by air, but it's always too windy to fly.
- tents come to die.
- thundering herds of caribou roll through your area after you leave for home.
- the game is always at least four miles from camp.
- you can fly your tent like a kite.
- midnight trips outside in the cold rain to repair your tent are routine.
- you can step on more spiders by accident in one day than you can in a lifetime anywhere else.
- you live in constant fear of being eaten.
- there is either no cover for stalking, or the brush is too thick to get a shot.
- it rains every day except when it snows.
- you can be eaten by a ton of grizzly bear, or a ton of black flies.
- the salmon look good but taste bad.
- nothing larger than a rabbit or smaller than a moose can get through the brush.
- you must have a guide to hunt grizzlies, but you can be eaten by a grizzly without a guide.
- you spend more money to be miserable than anywhere in North America.
- bull moose stand in the thick brush during the season, but in the clear after the season.
- a grizzly won't share his moose guts with anybody.
- grizzlies charge bowhunters and cause involuntary biological functions to occur.
- you feel insecure with a .44 magnum in your hand.
- you hang up your dirty laundry before you wash it.
- a close encounter with a grizzly can cure constipation.
- bowhunters learn the true meaning of the term panic stricken.
- a moose's beauty is surpassed only by it's intelligence.
- there is never a tree when you need one.
- caribou hunters more clearly understand the meaning of the phrase "eat and run."
- the smallest caribou always give you the best shots.
- you go fishing with a rod in one hand and a shotgun in the other.
- you hope the grizzly rips through your partners side of the tent instead of yours.
- the wolves howl, the bears growl, and the bowhunters throw in the towel.
- no matter how miserable you are while you're there, you always want to return.
The End
by Gary Olsen
© 2003, bowhunting adventure videos